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Choosing the Path
Sep 16, 2002

I am within days of the anv. of my oldest sons death. Although it has been 4 years it feels like a life time, yet feels like yesturday. Kyle was 14, he past on Sept. 18th 1998. Jumping a curb with his bike, the tire got wedged betwen the curb and the dirt and flipped him head first. He died from massive head injuries four hours later.
I have come a long way in my greif and do not wish to return to the days and months after his death. The profound grief is the hardest. You all know it, The grief that consumes your every thought. I miss him and think of him EVERY day but,Come to realize that I can not, no matter how much I want, bring him back.
It's hard,our life without him has changed so much and I feel bad that we have to go on living as a family without him.
I have come to know the paths I have made inside my head very well. These paths are like a fork in the road. One is my greif path the other is my every day life path. I have become to know that my choice of paths are mine on a day to day bases. I choose these days, not to walk my greif path to often,it consumes my life and hurts to much. It was hard at first to go back to day to day living. It took me a year before I think that I could really focus on life and living.
Now I set aside time during the week of the anv. of his death and the anv. of his birth to grieve. And I greive hard. On Wednesday my youngest son and I will spend the day together. He does not go to school that day and we just spend the day doing what ever.
Thanks so much for giving the chance to share
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