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My Deposit In Heaven
Sep 12, 2002

This was the scariest day of my life, (or at least I thought it was) when the doctor told me that yes you are pregnant. I was 19 years old and not married. All I could think was what am I going to tell my mom. I was going to have a baby in June of 1990. I was so happy and scared at the same time. I had my baby a little early he came to see us May 18th, 1990. That seems so long ago and I seemed so young and I was. Jared was the best thing that ever happened to me. I met the man I would marry in November of 1990 and was so happy. Jared had his last name and he was a great daddy. However, July of 1990 came I turned 20 that month on the 1st of July. Jared died on the 21st of July 1990. What a day. I dont really remember alot about that day and maybe I do but all I know is that I was hurting. I know that we had layed Jared down for his nap in the afternoon and I thought I heard him crying so I went up stairs to get him and he was not breathing. I picked him up and ran down stairs where my 2 step brothers were and Mark. He yelled to our roommate who called 911 and he started CPR. I had never heard of SIDS and I didnt know what to do. The next thing that I remember was being in the back yard while the paramedics where there and Mark and I on our knees praying like we never had before. The paramedics put Jared in there truck and rushed him to the hospital. We followed behind. Well Jared died that day and we didnt know why. There was detectives there and they questioned both of us and went to the house to check out the bassinet that he was in when I found him. We went to Mark's parents house after the hospital and I never went back to that house again. I know that my story is over 12 years old and the healing process is still happening with me. I have 3 children now and I am very happy. My daughter Marissa is almost 10, Miranda is 7 and I just had another baby boy his name is Christopher and he is the best baby. I have to admit that once all my babys where born it took my a while to bond with them even though I nursed all my babies. I was afraid of them emotionally until they where over two months old. I love my babies and I know that they have a big brother up there looking out for them. I call Jared my deposit in Heaven and I will get my deposit back someday.
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