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The Blessing of Our Baby
Dec 21, 2001

I found out I was pregnant on August 2, 2001. It was a total surprise, but we could not have been happier about it! My hearts' desire was to have children right after we were married on Dec. 16, 2000, but my husband is just finishing up his last year in veterinary school, and I had to work, so we felt it would be best to wait.

However, when I became pregnant, we did some quick figuring and decided that I could quit work right away! We were so happy! My due date was determined to be April 4, 2001 from the ultrasound results. Everything was going great except for terrible "all-day" morning sickness, which lasted until around week 17. I was already feeling the baby move, which was thrilling. During weeks 18-20 I started getting concerned and wasn't sure if I felt the baby moving as much. Finally one night we went to the emergency room, as I could stand it no longer.

After quite a while we found out that our precious baby had passed away. Of course we cried many, many tears, and still do, but it was almost like my spirit had sensed this and had been preparing me.

The phone calls to family were too much for me, so my precious husband took care of everything. I felt I could accept God taking our baby, but the grief was still immense. We take comfort in knowing that our baby is happier in Heaven than he ever would be here, and that one day we will be able to hold our son in Glory, and dwell in eternity with him.

Getting back to my story, the Dr. wanted to see if I would go into labor naturally so he did not induce me right away. Looking back, I know that this extra time I had to carry Mathias' earthly body helped me greatly. I tried to remember how it felt to be pregnant, and we took pictures of me while I was still carrying him. It was hard, though, to look pregnant and I was afraid that people in public would ask me when I was due. Big shirts pretty much hid this, I just looked "big," but then I almost felt as if I was hiding my precious baby. Really I was just protecting myself from the pain I would have gone through had someone asked me about the baby.

On December 3rd, the Dr. gave us the option of inducing or closely tracking my blood-clotting ability, (for my physical safety), and we chose to induce.

On December 4th we went into the hospital, and on December 5th, 2001 at 3:08pm Mathias Jonathan was born. Since we had come to accept his death, we were actually excited about seeing our baby, and finding out the sex. The fact that he was a boy was a total surprise! We could see that he had his Daddy's hands and most of his facial features, except he had my mouth! He died because of a problem with his umbilical cord. We took tons of pictures and I have made a scrapbook, all decorated with pretty papers, for him. We had a service for him and he was buried in the yard of the home that my husband inherited, and that we will move to next year. We received an angel statue from our sister-in-law, and we are going to purchase a headstone. I believe it is very important for parents to do these things for their babies who have passed on.

I guess that's our story for now, but I know God has many more things that he purposed through Mathias' life and death and I look forward to learning them. God is good through it all -- remember that He knows what it is like to lose a child, as He lost His Son, Jesus Christ. God can heal your hurting heart!
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