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Two Holes In My Family
Jan 06, 2003


I had recently sent you my story of my loss of my first child at 13wks at that time unbeknownst to me i was pregnant again i found out that i was pregnant on Dec.28,2002. I was overjoyed it was 3yrs since my first loss and i was starting to think that i would never be pregnant again. I called my husband and my mother to share with them this wonderful news. Then it went downhill. On Janurary 1 i went to the hospital to find out why my back was hurting they did a blood test and ultrasound it dated at 5wks 2days and they told me that ultrasound looked normal for that time of gestation. Then came January 3 Friday night i went to the bathroom and after wiped and found some very very faint light brown spotting. I became frightened so i went to research on the net and it made me feel better it said that it could be normal well the spotting stopped after about an hour. Then came January 5 I went to work. I was feeling fine until about 2hours of being there my back which had stopped hurting started hurting again and this time i felt crampy. I went to the bathroom and found darker brown spotting I told my boss that i was going to the hospital. I went and the nurse there made me feel like I was wasting her time she told me that cervix was closed and that I needed to stop worrying she also said that she would though order an ultrasound for Thursday. She also said too that i may bleed after the examination but that if that should happen that i should not come back in unless bleeding became very heavy and soaked through two pads in an hour. As soon as I went back home maybe 2minutes of being inside I felt a warm gush of blood. I went into the bathroom and i had expelled a large clot. I called her back to see if i would clot after exam and she said it was possible..Well anyways it was maybe 30 minutes later and I expelled another large clot this time with a clear fluid sac.(baby) I called her again to tell her what had happened and she said it was possible that i did miscarry but there was nothing more that she could tell me she again made me feel like i was wasting her precious time. So at 12am i went to another local hospital they examined me and gave me a little hope they told me that my cervix was still closed but that they would order an ultrasound to see what they saw. Well I didn't get my results back until 4am. The doctor said that the sac that they had seen on new years day was not there anymore that i had yet again miscarried. It's not fair. I see women who don't even want children have children by the truckloads and all i want is just one child that i can hold in my arms and give my heart to. And i can't even keep them. What is wrong with me ..There are now 2 great big holes in my family.
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