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Twice is More Than Enough!
Nov 30, 2002

My husband and I decided to start trying last Septemeber and I was so scared but happy when I found out I was pregnant after only trying for a month!

When I went in for my 3 month check-up, the doctor couldn't find the heartbeat but she told me not to worry. She booked me for an ultrasound that day to reassure me.

When the technician looked at me, she found no baby. It was a blighted ovum. I was so sad and lost. It was the day after my 2 year anniversary, Dec.12, and my husband had lost his job that previous day. Christmas was awful.

We decided to try again and in April we were pregnant again In May, we went in for an ultrasound and had a heartbeat. . We didn't tell any family until June when I went for another ultrasound after finding a spot of pink on my underwear. They found no heartbeat. I called my mom crying with the news, that I was pregnant and miscarried. The same day my brother had called her to tell her he was getting married and his financee was pregnant.

Since June, I have basically avoided my family. I went to my brother's wedding in September and lost it when my new sister in law showed my mom ultrasound pictures. All I could think was, that should be me.

I had tests run and nothing was found. My husband and I are going to start trying again next month. I'm scared and angry about being scared. I know I want children but I'm not sure I can go through another pregnancy loss. I have changed so much from these experiences and I don't like the sad deflated person I have become.

If it's not meant to be, I hope I find out soon so I can quit torturing myself. What's that old saying, fool me twice...
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