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My Dearest Cory
Nov 23, 2002

My Dearest Cory,
It has been 3 years to the day since you left me. I have thought about you every since. At least once a day my perception of your face has flashed in my mind. I have always thought you would grow up to look more like me than mommy. In my heart I know your in Heaven playing with your sister Taylor who left us 6 months before you. Even though I know you are in Heaven, I want you here with me. There is a song that I dedicate to you and your sister, Its called Lately by Samatha Mumba. I dont know if the is radio in Heaven so I want to share the some of the lyrics with you, my darling angel.

"Lately, Been thinking about you baby
Just sitting awake watching the days go by.
Have you ever felt the breeze hit your heart?
Like the wind was blowing it apart.
Has you spining like a merry-go-round,
Indications of a storm touching ground.
I wish that I could weather any storm,
But I guess it's just a heartbreak from the norm.
Was a day I will always remember,
The saddest day in Sweet November.
Lately, Been thinking about you baby
Just sitting awake watching the days go by.
Baby Im on my knees, praying God help me please,
If lovin you is right then I dont wanna go wrong.
So I drown myself with tears sitting here singing another sad love song.
Lately I've been torn apart. I wish you hadnt broke my heart,I missing you babe,missing you every day."

It hasnt been more than 6 months since I first heard that song, but the first time I heard it I thought of you. I miss you so much. I wonder if your happy in Heaven. Do you play with your sister alot? Do you fight? Have you met your uncle Ricky, or your great grandfather Raymond. What about your great uncle Bob? Are they taking care of you until I can hold you in my arms? These are the things I worry about now. Is someone taking care of you until I get there. Are you growing big? Are you happy? You know sometimes I feel you with me. There have been times when Im driving in the car and out of the corner of my eye I swear I see you and your sister sitting in the front seat next to me? I feel you watching over me. If you are I hope you are watching over Mommie too. Even though Mommie and I arent together anymore, we both love and miss you so much. Losing you and your sister was just too much for us to handle. We werent strong enough to hold on to each other. You weren't the reason we split, we just didnt know how to handle the grief. Please dont be mad at us. We really did try. Mommie and I would give anything to have you back. I would give anything to hear your cry. To change your diaper. To feed you a bottle. To sing you a lullaby. What joy I will feel the day I hear you call me Daddy. I know in my heart one day we will meet. When the day come my life will be complete. With out you Im not. I try to move on. I try to forget, but I cannot and I dont want to forget you. I just want to hold you. Until that day comes I hope you are healthy, happy and well taken care of up there. Be nice to your sister. I send you all my love everyday. I pray you can feel it. I love you now and forever.

Until we met again,

Ryan Phillips
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