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It is Like Dying
Nov 21, 2002
I got pregnant, in the middle of September, and so my due date would be June 18th, 2003. My husband and I got married the 29th of that same month, and so when I came home and told him I was pregnant, he was more than thrilled. We immediately went to the library, and got baby books to look at, and even a baby name book to pick out our names. We eventually decided on Marish if it was a girl, and Joshua after my husband if it was a boy. We never dreamed that I would ever have a miscarriage. But on November 21st, 2002, my worst fears were confirmed. My HCG level had dropped from 30,000 to only 13,000. I was overwhelmed with grief. I immediately went to my husbands' work, and told him. He started crying, and I could not bear it, so I left, and went with my mother in law to her house. I could not bear being alone in my apartment. Knowing I do not have a baby in my womb anymore, is like dying. When I found out, my heart literally broke into a million and one pieces. I love my baby, and I always will. I don't think a mothers' love for a child that has died ever really goes away.
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