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We Were So Happy!
Nov 17, 2002

My name is Holly and I recently turned 24. I have been married for 1 year and 2 months my husband and i started trying to get pregnant on our honeymoon. It took us ten months to finally concieve and we were exstatic, we told our immidiate families right away.
About 4 weeks into the prgnancy I started spotting so i phoned the doctors and they had me come in they did an exam and had some blood taken, the DR. said every thing looked fine but for me to stay on bed rest untill I stopped bleeding. I bleed for eight days then stopped for two and then started up again the DR. had me come back in and have more blood drawn and had me scheduled for an internal ultrasound.
The blood work came back fine my HCG level was still climbing and on the ultrasound at 6.5 weeks we saw are tiny blinking baby. We were so happy. The Head Nurse at the OB/Gyn place said that bleeding just sometimes happens and not to worry to much but to come back in a week later for another ultrasound, and had me sent to the lab for a full PG work up. We came in a week later for another ultrasound and saw our baby again the babies heart rate was low (the first time too) it was only 78. They scheduled for me to come in again and meet the DR in two weeks and then we would have another ultrasound.
We saw the DR. and were now 9.5 weeks PG but when we had the ultrasound the nurse didn't talk much and she just said the DR. will want to speak with you. When she left my husband kept saying to me I didn't see a heart beat, I told him not to worry but I knew the worst had happened.
As soon as the Dr. entered the room I started to cry because I knew our baby was gone. My husband and I just mcried. Then the Dr. scheduled me for a D&C he said they would need to test the baby because it looked like A trisomy. I had the D&C and the next day at 8:00 am they called me back into the office. This was my husbands Birthday and two days before our one year aniversary. The DR. told us we had a complete molar pregnancy and that I had a 20% chance of getting a cancer related to the abnormal placental cells.
I've had to go every week and have my blood level check to make sure it is going down it needs to get to zero (the hcg level) it has been thirteen weeks of blood draws and I am at 7, it is dropping so slowly. After I reach zero we have to wait six months before we can try again. and this could happen agasin. we want a baby so badly and I want to get back to normal but I can't because of the weekly checks. Every one tells me how proud they are of me for how strong I have been but they don't see me crying when i am alone or at night when my husband is at work.
I thought this would get easier with time but it is getting worse, I want to be pregnant again so badly and I want my baby girl to be back safe in my belly. What makes things even worse is that I know 3 people (one of them my cousin) who are pg and due the same time I was due it is so hard to look at them and see their bellies growing knowing that is what I should look like. I find my self crying a lot know sometime I know why and some times I don't. My friends and family were so supprtive in the beginning but know I can tell they are tired of listening. Even though it has been a while it is still fresh in my mind and still very real to me.
I am thinking about talking to someone, like a DR. who knows sorta what I am going through i probably should. If any of you have similar stories or just words of encouragement I welcome them, I need them . It is getting harder each passing day, I want to be a mother so badly.
Sorry for rambling it just helps me to talk about it.
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