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Precious Sarah Anne
Nov 15, 2002

Although it has been almost a year and a half since we miscarried, I feel the loss of my daughter almost daily. My biggest reminder right now is the dead holly tree that we planted in her memory...it just didn't survive two dry summers. I want to replace it but haven't done it yet.

My story is somewhat long and involved. I'll try not to be too random with my thoughts but want to share from my heart. When I was 15, my appendix ruptured. I needed surgery to remove the tissue and infection. This caused lots of scar tissue blocking my right fallopian tube. The doctor was not hopeful that I would ever be able to get pregnant when the time came.

My greatest desire has always been to be a wife and mother. After getting married in 1997, my husband & I decided to try to start our family right away. We tried for over a year and just couldn't get pregnant so we started infertility testing. My husband's sperm count was fine but they did find my right tube completely blocked by an HSG. (That was so painful!) When the doctor told me the left tube was fine, I started to cry. She said that she wanted to wait two months then she would put me on Cholmid. (To be honest, I wanted her to start me on it right away!) However, just two weeks later we concieved. I had a wonderful pregnancy (but very difficult labor) and was blessed with a terrific son, Joshua.

Because we desired a large family, we waited just three months after Josh's birth to try to concieve again. It took almost nine months to get pregnant again. I took a pregnancy test on Mother's Day weekend 2001! We were pregnant and due January 21, 2002! What a wonderful blessing. We had an ultrasound at 6wk 3d to see our precious baby with a heartrate of 115. That seemed low but no one seemed to think anything about it when I mentioned it. On June 19th, I started to spot. What a scary feeling. I just knew in my heart that our baby was in heaven... We had a doctor's appointment the next day and all looked good externally but the ultrasound revealed that our baby hadn't grown at all since the last ultrasound and had no heartbeat. I have never known such intense grief as I cried from the depths of my being. We loved this baby and this just couldn't be happening. I couldn't do much of anything as I went through the next day setting up a D&E. I started cramping and passing lots of clots and was rushed to the hospital for an emergency D&E on June 21st in the afternoon.

For the next few weeks and months I grieved and poured out my heart to God even though I felt so hopeless. Then one day, God lifted my veil of grief and gave me a heart of hope. I still ache from losing our precious Sarah Anne but I grieve with hope. Knowing that I will see her again one day.

Just a few months after losing Sarah Anne, we were blessed with another pregnancy. I worried almost the entire pregnancy. I had lots bleeding and bedrest often but was blessed with a precious daughter, Elizabeth Kay (born the end of August 2002). She is a delight. I believe my children are miracles and I treasure them with my entire heart. We hope to expand our familiy once again.

I feel blessed to find this site even though I don't know where I would belong on the boards. I can just sense the hope and support that is given to each member.
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