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My Worst Experience
Nov 12, 2002

Tomorrow will be 3 weeks since I heard the most devestating words of my life. I was 9 weeks pregnant from date of conception. I had seen my baby's heartbeat 4 very long weeks earlier, when my gynae told me there was nothing there, my world disintegrated. You think you can relax, you've seen the heartbeat, all the things that should be working are working well and we saw so much, the head, the heartbeat, the feet even the little umbilical cord, and yet 4 weeks later, nothing. I was booked in the next morning for a D&C, as there were no signs of my miscarrying, no cramps, no blood, nothing, I felt better than I had in months, didn't even have morning sickness, now I know why. My D&C was on Thursday morning, it took every ounce of strength to go to the hospital. On Friday night the pain started, I started taking so much pain medication by Saturday night I was hallucinating, I thought it was normal. On Sunday morning my husband made me phone my gynae, who was not on call, I saw his locum. I thought my nightmare was over I didn't realise it hadn't started. When I saw the locum he found a clot in my uterus, most unusual, he advised to relax and stay at home and it will pass, added an antibiotic to the cocktail of medication and told me to stop taking so many painkillers. I tried and was in agony. On Monday I phoned my gynae who was back, he wanted to see me but only on Tuesday, another 24 hours of pain and misery. When I eventually saw him the clot had gotten bigger. He wanted to leave me till the next day to see what would happen, otherwise I was going for another D&C. He started me on medication to induce labour, get my uterus to contract and open my cervix so the next D&C would get rid of the clot. I didn't make it to Wednesday, they rushed me into theatre becasue I was in so much pain. I had the worst night of the whole nightmare, I was in agony before the D&C and after the D&C, the hospital gave me myprodol syrup, it felt like I was taken panado for a migraine, eventually my father (who is also a gynae) told my husband to bring me home - I couldn't walk, he treated me with strong painkillers and a sleeping tablet. 24 hours later, the pain started again, only to find out that the clot was bigger and my father and my gynae didn't know what to do. They thought that they had missed a twin somewhere along the line, and now I was losing it. My father then took over my care, as I no longer felt that I could trust my doctor even though it was not his fault, he just did not know how to treat me. My father started me again on medication to induce me, however this time my uterus did not contract and I was in no pain, I didn't even feel contractions. But this time it did the job, the clot had turned to liquid. It solidied a few days later and my body has absorbed the remains. I have never felt in all my life so much physical and emotional pain, I only started dealing with the emotional side of things after they told me the clot had gone, it was then that I felt the devestation, emptiness. I have been put onto anti-depressants to help take the edge off of things and I think I am doing well. All I can say is that the only thing you can say to a person is I'm sorry, nobody wants to hear that you will fall pregnant again, or at least you know you can fall pregnant. You want your baby back, listen to your body, I kept saying to my husband that I didn't feel like I was really pregnant and tried to convince myself that I was wrong, I wasn't. The only thing I am thankful for in this entire situation is that I'm glad that nature made the decision for me. My babies had chromosonal deficiencies and would not have lived, thank God I didn't have to make the decision. I wish all the mothers - you are mothers, your babies might not have been born but you are their mothers - the best of luck. Someone once told me that when they had their mis they lost their innocence, listen to your bodies, take care of yourselves, life is more important. May you all have healthy families.
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