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Catherine Touched My Life Forever
Mar 22, 2002
My husband and I tried for 4 and a half years to have a child. When we found out I was pregnant, we were walking on air. We shared the happy news with our four year old daughter ( it took us 5 years to have her). When I would take a bath, she would get her special cup and pour water over my belly. "Babies need lots of drinks", she would tell me. She constantly patted my tummy.
Somewhere deep inside I think I knew something was wrong. Any time I left the house I kept the address and phone number of my OB/GYN in my pocket. Bleeding started and I miscarried at home in the toilet. In a panic, I flushed. I still live with that image.
I lost Catherine at 7 weeks.
Two days later, my father was diagnosed with cancer. Since then, I feel heartbroken and depressed. For a while, I struggled to get out of bed in the morning. I have trouble sleeping. I have had very little support from those around me. Others have been cruel.
I bought a charm for my necklace to remember Catherine by, a tiny cubic zirconia heart. I struggled with the fact that I had nothing concrete to remember her by. I bought a stuffed animal, something that I would have bought her, were she here with me...a small white rabbit, incredibly soft, with a satin ribbon around his neck. I hug him when I'm feeling especially sad and he brings me comfort.
My daughter, who was always a tomboy, is now very much into her dolly which she named, "Twinkle". She told me after the miscarriage, "Now I'm not sad anymore, because I have my own baby to love".
I've learned through this that you need to appreciate and love those close to you because life can be snatched away in an instant. I have learned that love can touch your heart for just a short time and can change your life forever...
Heidi
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