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My Baby
Oct 24, 2002

It has been almost two months now since I lost my baby. I was 22 weeks pregnant, and I went into preterm labor. The doctor didn't have any hope for the baby. The nurses told me when I got to the hospital, six hours before I delivered my beautiful baby boy, that my baby WOULD NOT survive. They took the only chance he may have had. I know it was too early, and even if he had survived, he would have had so many complications. I don't know if I should be angry with God or thankful to Him that my baby never had to suffer. He never got to take a breath, he never got to see what his Mommy and Daddy looked like. I know that he knew we loved him, and he still knows it. I don't think I will ever be the same. My husband has tried to "get back to normal", but I can't. Every night when I lay down, before I can get to sleep, that day replays in my mind over and over. Sometimes, it hurts so badly that it takes my breath away. I can't eat, sleep, or function like I used to. Sometimes the house goes for days without being cleaned. My husband and I have started argueing more than we ever have before. We both feel like we can't let our feelings out for fear of reminding the other and making them cry, but it builds up and comes out in anger. Well, anyway, I was just venting. This hurts very badly, and it is so hard to deal with. Thanks for allowing me the space to vent. Advice is very welcome.
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