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Shattered Dreams
Oct 22, 2002

I was so excited whe I found out my partner and I decided to have a baby and more so when i found out I was pregnant, I bought all the books and magisines I could lay my hands on, read all the related website and all the tv programmes.
I was so excited about my first scan and I told people in work about my pregnancy a week beforehand not listening to my supersititious partner who wanted to wait until the scan was over and done with.
On the day of my scan I was scared but excited about seeing my baby.
However all my dreams were shattered within an hour as the reality that my baby had died inside me hit home.
I cried like I never have before, if not outside, inside.
The worst memory I have to going to hospital two days later to clear my womb. I wouldnt wish the sheer feeling of loss guilt grief sadness and confusion that completely overwhelmed my being on my worst enemy.
That was three months ago and I still cry and I think I always will because I lost what I always wanted for as long as I remember. I know there will be another baby, soon I hope, but nothing will ever replace what I lost.
I can sit and think and wonder and cry about my baby but I am beginning to realise that this terrible sadness I have inside can never be explained fully. I suppose it just wasnt my time, but that will come soon.....
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