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It's an Empty Feeling
Oct 06, 2002

I turned 40 on the 1st of october. I found out that I was pregnant sept 4th. I was scared at first and later excited as the days drug by.......Sept 29th I started spotting, the next day was my 1 Dr Appt. I told the nurse that I was spotting, she told me that sometimes it can be hormonal changes that occur at the time that your period WOULD have started. My next appt was set for the 31st of October. I was so upset that this wasnt looked into further. I called another place the next day and they got me into another Dr. I got a ultra sound that very day. I should have been 9 weeks along, the lady who was giving me the ultra sound said.."this is the size of a six week fetus". I was then sent to the Dr's office and told that it wasnt good news. I carried my dead baby in my womb for three weeks. My poor niece was with me when I talked to the Doc (she's 7 months pregnant) I got a D&C this last friday (oct 4) It really hit me the next day. Your just sit there and feel empty. In the days before my D&C I guess I was just comfortably numb. I should go back to work tomarrow, but dont know if Im up to it. I just want to crawl into a hole and sleep for many years. I know alot of this is hormones. I want to be alone, I dont want to see or talk to anyone. I know this will get better with time. Im so greatful to have a place to come where I am understood and you all know where Im comming from. I go back to the Doc's this friday. I have talked to my husband about trying again, I think he is willing to do this.
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