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Living with Regret
Oct 03, 2002

At the age of 20 I had already had 2 children, so my husband and I decided it would be a good idea to stop having children and raise the son and daughter we already had. 1 week after my husband had the vasectomy done I started to feel quite unwell, I thought I may have had the chicken pox as I had looked after my neice while she was sick with them, it never crossed my mind that mind that I could be pregnant again. When the doctor told me I was expecting again I was so shocked, my husband felt that all the pain of the vas was for nothing. After toying with the idea of another baby for a few weeks we came to realise that we wanted this baby as much as if we had planned it. I had brought new baby furniture and clothes and was getting realy excited, until I started to get very high fevers. After a few days of feeling so sick I started to bleed. For me this was not right. What followed was a very fast misscarriage of the last child I could ever conceive. To this day I have not forgiven my sister-in-law for the chicken pox, I regret the fact that we made the decision so young in life to have a permanent procedure done, most of all I will never forgive myself for not going to doctor earlier and for thinking, even for a day, that I didn't want the baby. I lost Ashley during my 4th month of pregnancy and now 2 years later the pain of losing a baby is as strong as the day it happened.
This is the first time I have said how I truely feel, It feels good to share my sorrow.

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