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Too Much to Bear
Sep 27, 2002

My husband and I started trying to conceive a child on October 6, 2001. We were unsuccessful, so I had a laparoscopy perfomed in May 2002. It was discovered that I had severe, extensive endometriosis, and the doctor removed as much tissue as possible. It was very uncertain that I would ever conceive. Finally, on September 6, 2002 I found out I was pregnant. We waited until I was 2 months into the pregnancy until we told everyone. We were overjoyed, as was our family and friends. As an extra special surprise, my due date was supposed to be May 5th - right before our sixth wedding anniversary AND Mother's Day. Also, since I turn 36 in June, it was my "last chance" to have a baby at 35. My husband and I went in for my ultrasound day before yesterday, and found out that my baby had stopped growing. I had a D&C yesterday, eight weeks into my pregnancy. I am waiting to find out whether I had an ectopic pregnancy or a uterine miscarriage. I feel that God has played a very cruel joke on us. Why did he answer my prayers for a pregnancy and May delivery date, only to take my baby away from me? I feel so guilty, and so foolish. I feel that I have let my baby and everyone else around me down. I don't think I can bear this, and I hate all other pregnant women now, as well as women with children. I feel like a failure and a loser, and I don't want to live anymore.

Thank you for allowing me to share all this.

Heidi Geary
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