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Our Miracle Was Taken Away
Sep 16, 2002

My story started last Tue. Sept. 10. My husband and I went to our routine 12 week check up and discovered that our baby's heart had stopped. We were devistated. Our Dr. did an ultrasound right there but still nothing. And to be sure we were sent the next day on Sept. 11th to do another ultrasound and to relive it all over again. We went back to his office to discuss "our options". We opted for the D&C. I just wanted it done as soon as possible, I just couldn't go home and wait. He sent us over to the hospital at four in the afternoon and we had to wait until about 7:30p.m. for the surgery. It only took five minutes to remove what took 12 weeks to create. I remember crying when I went under and I remember crying when I came out of surgery. I have never felt so empty as I did that night. Almost one week later I still feel as empty. It doen't feel like it will ever go away. How do you get through an hour without crying? It is so hard to say I've had a miscarriage. I was so far along and we had just seen our baby in an ultrasound three weeks before with a heartbeat and everything was fine. I just don't understand. This pregnancy was so unexpected because we didn't think we could conceive on our own. We have two bio children the last one we developed a fertility problem and needed the help of fertility drugs. We have since adopted two children the youngest just 14 months old. I thought of this preg. as a miracle to begin with and now I feel that it was stolen from me. I was o.k. with not being able to concieve and carry another baby of my own but now I want it more than ever. I know it's to early to start talking about another baby but I want it desperately. My husband was fine with this baby even though we did not plan it but he doesn't know about trying to have another one on purpose. I know we have 4 wonderful children but I want to experience carring a child of ours again. I feel like I was teased with something I wanted so much and it was just ripped from me. I just don't know were to go from here. When does the pain start to hurt less? Will we ever fully recover? I could use some advice..Tricia S.
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