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I Will Never Forget What Might Have Been
Sep 07, 2002

I recently suffered a miscarriage at 10 wks and 6 days. My partner and i had planned the pregnancy, and couldn't believe our luck when i conceived within two months.

In the back of my mind I kept thinking something was not right. I dismissed these feelings. I now feel that my instincts were justified, i wasn't just being paranoid after all.

I can't describe how devastated I was when I was told that my fetus didn't have a heart beat. I felt so angry, all i wanted to do was curl up in a ball and sob.

I personally found it hard to hear comments like "are you going to try again" it seemed as if they were saying it didn't much matter about my loss. I loved and wanted the tiny little fetus that was growing inside of me; I really didn't care if it was the size of a nut or a coffee bean, to me size was completely irrelevant.

I had decided to let nature take it's course instead of opting for a D&C. The knowledge that the fetus was inside my womb was both comforting and frightening. The whole experience was a living nightmare for myself and my family. I really sympathise with women who have miscarried. It is a very sad and emotional time. I can't imagine how couples cope with their loss at a later stage. It is truly heartbreaking.

I will not be "trying again" for some time.I just couldn't bear to go through this again. I feel really broody but I am not emotionally strong enough yet.

I have my scan picture which I kiss and look at privately. I will never forget what might have been.
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