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How Can It Be?
Sep 05, 2002

I just lost my first pregnancy a few hours ago. I was 7 wks, 6 days along. My ETD was April 20, 2003.

I don't think it's really sunk in yet. I am still in shock and trying to figure out why this has happened.

When I first found out I was pregnant on August 13, I was so overjoyed. My husband and I have been trying for a few months. I have an irregular cycle, so it's been tough to get the timing right. When I ever saw that second line appear on my home PG test, I cried with joy! It was one of the happiest moments of my life.

Everything seemed to be normal. I had many of the normal signs of early pregnancy -- nausea, gas, bloating, frequent urination. Truthfully, I was grateful for each and every one of these "inconveniences" because they were all signs that things were on track.

Two days ago, I started spotting. It was very light and brownish at first. My doctor said it sounded normal and to get some extra rest for a few days. Then yesterday, the bleeding got a bit heavier. I called my doctor again and she sent me directly to a lab for an HCG test and then sent me straight home to rest with my feet up. All afternoon, the spotting continued, though it was light and there were no cramps so I was trying to stay positive.

Then at about 8 p.m. I started having severe, sharp cramps and heavy bleeding. I knew I'd lost the pregnancy. My husband and I laid on the couch together and wept.

It's seven hours later and I can't sleep. I am having the worst cramps of my life and I just passed a large lump of tissue -- my baby. How can it be? I just looked at it and kept saying, "I'm so sorry, baby. I'm so sorry."

I know we will try again, though probably not for a few months. I need to give my body and my psyche some time to heal from this.

Peace to you all.
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