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Our Rainbow Child
Aug 28, 2002

At 42 I suspect I am on the outer perimeter of those who have lost a baby, and no other living children

Freya, our daughter was born prematurely, 9 June 2002 at 33 weeks. She had been unexpected and a gift late in our lives as I never thought I would have children always having had a fear of drs, and anything medical. We were however blessed to be parents, albeit for such a short while. At birth Freya was immediately taken to the special baby care unit being unable to breathe unassisted and it soon unfurled that she had multiple other problems not detected by testing by amniocenticis. For 12 days the doctors carried out tests to assess her "viability" and to see if they could identify any syndrome she might be sporting. The final consultation resulted in her having an operation to try to address the problem of leaking kidneys. The surgeon was fairly optimistic that a solution, even if not ideal would be found. Sadly this was not to be and she was found to have no workable urinary system. To our deepest sorrow we had then to opt to turn off her life support system. She died holding my husband's hand in the early hours of June 22. I did not have the courage to stay.

Freya was cremated 28 June 2002.

I did not get round to booking her plot in the infant's garden until 22nd August. I cannot to this day find the words for her memorial. Maybe that will follow.

I have checked out a number of sites. So far I have found no-one I can talk to about the issues involved with the loss of a baby, with imperfections, and the realisation that at my age a healthy, living, baby is most beyond reach.

If anyone identifies with my story I would love to hear from you. It would be so good to have someone to discuss the issues facing older mums with.

Irrespective, I would ask you all to say a prayer for Freya and all of our children sleeping over in god's oh so secret garden. I for one wish it was not so but must draw courage from the fact that in heaven Freya can be everything she could only aspire to being on earth.

God bless

Mum to Freya Alice Marsh
Born 9 June 2002, Died 22 June 2002
Location: Portland, Dorset, UK
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