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This Should Never Happen
Nov 12, 2002

My name is Tammy and I am 30 years old. I got pregnant in August of 2001. My husband and I have been married for 5 years on 9/20. This was our first child. Our due date was 5/27/02-Memorial Day. I never had any morning sickness. I pretty much had the perfect pregnancy. I did have gestational diabetes but I controlled it with diet. Since I didn't deliver on or before my due date I had a Dr. appt. on Thursday 5/30. I went to the Dr. at 3:00 and they did the usual exam. My blood pressure was a little high so they decided to send me to the hospital at 8:00 the next morning to be induced. We heard the heartbeat of the baby and everything was fine. We arrived at the hospital on Friday morning 5/31 and the nurse could not find the baby's heartbeat. When the Dr. got there she could not find it either. What a shock!! Just 17 hours ago everything was fine. How could this be happening to us? We decided to wait to be induced until our family arrived. It was about 10:00 a.m. when I was finally induced. At 3:08 I gave birth to a son, Eli Jacob, 6 lbs. 15 oz 20 inches long. He was perfect and beautiful. He had dark hair just like his Daddy and me. He had is Daddy's head and my lips. I did not have a painful (physical) delivery. Not long after I delivered we were making funeral arrangements. This is absolutely the most awful thing that anyone should have to do. I think if anyone can plan a funeral for their baby they can get through anything. I had a very painful recovery. I'm sure most of it was due to the emotional shock of what had happened. We buried our Eli on June 5. Again, one of the most awful things for anyone to go through. I did hold my baby in the hospital and I do have pictures of him that I show off just like any other mother. When I am asked if I have any children I say yes I have a little boy. If I am asked how old he is I say he would have been (this many weeks) on Friday. I has been a very emotional summer. I returned to work on July 15. I have learned that it is ok to cry. It doesn't matter when or where or in front of who. If you need to cry, just do it. My Dr. told us to wait about 2 months before trying again. I really hadn't even thought about trying again any time soon. I had my cycle on July 5 and on August 8 I took a HPT. It was positive. I am currently 18 weeks pregnant and scared to death. My Dr.'s have me going to a specialist every 4 weeks. I will deliver at 38 weeks. Everytime it gets close to me going to the Dr. I get very nervous. I always think that they will not be able to find a heartbeat and I will have to go through this all over again. I just don't know if I could handle it a second time. Thanks for taking the time to read this.

Eli Jacob-5/31/02-stillborn
EDD 4/14/03 will deliver at 38 weeks 3/31/03
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