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She Will Always Be In My Heart
Apr 21, 2002

I was married for 7 years and my husband at the time had an imbalance so I had 6 miscarriages with him. We got divorced not because of that. I met a wonderful man and I found out I was going to have a baby I was so afraid but my doctor told me that he would watch me very close and I would have level 2 ultra sounds monthly.
Everything was going pretty well. I started to gain alot of water so he put me on bedrest. I still could do things I wasn't on full bedrest. We found out we were going to have a little girl. I was due to have a c-section on 2-24 due to the scarring from the babies I lost in the past. On the 22nd I went to the mall with a friend to get some things for the hospital and she was kicking up a storm so I went home to lay down. I got up at 5pm I had a doctors appt. and my last ultra sound at 5:20.
It seems like yesterday, I was laying on the table and the tech got up to get my doctor. He walked into the room and was white as a ghost. He looked at the ultra sound and his eyes filled up (my doctor). He than told me the cord was around her neck and she was gone. I went numb, I wanted to die right there, I couldn't get over how could have happened. I was so mad that god took her away from me when I was so far along. I was 40 weeks.
The next day we went back to the doctor and he told us that we needed to spend time with her, take photos of her, dress her. We did all of that and then some. Our close friends came to see her. The hospital was so wonderful to us and to her. We named her McKenzie Louise. My family is in Philadelphia and his in MI so it was hard for them to come out.
I have made a memory book, wrote many poems, started collecting angels. Her room is still set up but I took down her crib and put the spair bed in her room. when I get upset I go in there and read and sometimes sleep in her room. Her ashes are in a white angel urn.
My boyfriend deals with her death alot different than I do. I know that I had more of a bond with her than he did.
Some people can be so mean, if they don't know what to say they should just keep there mouth shut!!!! You learn how to deal with death but you never get over it. I know that she is watching over me. She was born 2-24-00, I always wonder what she would look like if she was here with us. She will always be in my heart and I love her very much.

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