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Four Heavenly Angels
Oct 08, 2002

I'm Lynda, from England; a mum to six children; two earth Angels and four Heavenly Angels.

My first baby, a son, was sadly called to Heaven whilst in-utero; Scott Ian died from Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome and inter-uterine infection on Oct 23, 1992; in just two short weeks my little boy will be celebrating his 10th Heavenly Birthday...such a long passage of time, yet the pain is still so raw. None of my family and friends either talk of Scott, and thereby I am the only one to validate his existence in my life.

I then miscarried on June 10, 1996 at 6 weeks gestation. I had only gotten to know that I was pregnant when I lost my baby... my heart still cries out for my little one whom I only knew from within my heart...people assume that "you can always have another one", but little do they realise the impact that miscarriage can have on a couple... the baby that was lost was just as special as any other baby.

Then God blessed me with a beautiful daughter, Chloe Eleannah Jayne on Aug 23, 1998. I am so honoured to have such a stunning little girl in my life; she is the light in what were the darkest places of my heart...Chloe has recently celebrated her 4th birthday and it is an absolute joy to watch her grow...

Tragically, and with much grief and sadness, my next baby was gifted to me for only a short while by God... I was experiencing a normal pregnancy when I was suddenly informed that, almost 7 months into the pregnancy, that my son had Potter's Syndrome (bilateral renal agenesis); a fatal condition which means that the baby's entire renal system had failed to develop. My hndsome little soldier, Elliott David, was born asleep, into God's loving arms on Jan 14, 2000...the pain within my heart burns deeper still; my arms are completely empty; my sons are in Heaven... today I am still completely bereft...

Almost immediately after Elliott gained his "Angel Wings", I became pregnant again; totally unplanned, although my husband and I liked to think that it was Elliott and God's plan to gift us a child to love... Sadly, I miscarried again. At 10 and a half weeks gestation, on May 8, 2000 (two days before our wedding anniversary), I lost another baby. Again, the cyclic continuum of grief carries on... another baby I had never gotten to know, another empty space within my heart...

God must have shown mercy to myself and my husband the following Fall, as I became pregnant once more. With very vigilent monitoring, I became the proud Mom of a second daughter, Phoebe Grace Emily, who arrived screaming and bawling her way into this world on Aug 6, 2001. Phoebe has just this past fortnight started to walk and the joy she has brought into my life is immeasurable...

My husband and I are discussing whether or not we should have one more child; one more sibling for our two beautiful little girls.

So, there's my story (and a very much shortened version of what I would have wished to write, but it will be too painful for me to do that). It is a bitter-sweet blend of tragedy, sadness, and the death of my babies; intertwined with the joyous arrival of my two beautiful daughters. Life will never be the same; I will always continue to grieve for my children, but I am eased by the fact that I believe one day I will see them again, and hold them in my arms once more...

I have learned to accept that life has to continue; for myself, my husband and, of course, my two darling daughters. I will never have "the full picture". The jigsaw puzzle that is my life will always have pieces missing; where my Angel children should be. I have to learn to live with those pieces missing because, in my heart of hearts, I know that in the fullness of time, God will gift me the full picture, when I am ready...

Love and Hugs to all Parents and grieving relatives~
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