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I Blame Myself!
Sep 28, 2002

Hello all. I have been going through so much and wasnt able to know I was pregnant. I had no symptoms or signs. I have been trying to have a baby for 3 years and 9 months and wasnt able to. Finally I went to my doctor for help and was told to lose weight (about 50 lbs.) I went ahead and lost 35 pounds and was planning on losing more. The doctor put me on prenatals. On January 31st, 2002 was told I had a fybroid tumor. I had been bleeding 6 months prior to that. They put me on birth control pills for 3 months because I was anemic and needed the blood controlled and also iron pills. I ended up getting 2 infections prior to that (bladder infection and trichomoniasis). At the end of July was told prolactin was elevated too high in other words my body thought it was pregnant but the doctor said it wasnt. Had to do an MRI to see if I had brain tumor. It was negative. Then on September 1st, I was bleeding for 3 weeks. And then September 20th had real bad pains. I didnt go to ER until September 22nd and was told I was pregnant after taking a pregnancy test. They took my blood and told me my hCG was high and they did an ultrasound on me and couldnt see the baby. Then I was given 2 choices: surgery or injection of mothotrexate because they now suspected I had a ectopic pregnancy and could die if problem wasnt solved. I chose surgery so they could find the problem and heal it. They ended up taking my right tube and the baby. I stayed in the hospital for 4 days. I am in alot of pain and have nothing to show. The doctor said I could try again after 2 months is up. I am scared and dont know what my body is up to next. Will I not be able to have a baby or will I? Will my body reject it or will I have my 1st child? I never wanted anything more but to have a baby. At times I blame god but i guess it's just because i wanted to hold my baby.My baby was trapped and i couldn't save it.I BLAME MYSELF!
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