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Nov 27, 2002

My husband and I are 1 1/2 years past our decision not to try for another child and it still hurts. We are both 44 years old.

We were married January 5, 1991. Our story starts with the birth of our beautiful daughter. She was born 9 months after we started treatment for infertility, December 30, 1994. What a blessing. Easy pregnancy easy birth. She'll be 8 years old.

We found out we were expecting again on the day we signed the papers for our home. I was excited and scared not because I thought miscarriage even for a moment, but because all the extra financial responsibilities. We had to make the choice of me continue working and with two children that would be even more difficult. I knew we would work it out. We were at my mother and father's cabin in the mountains when I started to bleed. I was in shock. What did this mean? I told my mother and I could tell she was worried. I went to bed and rested. We drove home the next day and called the doctor. Now I know the standard response. Rest thereís nothing else we can do. I miscarried 7/96. Ok I said it was meant to be. Thatís what everyone said.

My fatherís health was failing and my husbandís brother was battling throat cancer when we became pregnant the third time. I was so happy to have this joy in our lives while facing the ill health of dad and my brother-in-law. Eight weeks into the pregnancy I began to bleed. Called the doctor and my husband and I went for the ultrasound. No heartbeat and the doctor/technician recommended a D&C. It was a horrible experience. I sat in pre operation area for 5 hours waiting for the doctor to deliver a baby before he could perform the procedure. Miscarried 3/99. My dad passed away one week later and my brother-in-law 1 month after dad. Ok I said it was meant to be. I had no time to grieve my losses.

Three months later weíre expecting again. We were excited. But now we were cautious. We were afraid to tell anyone but our parents. We passed the 8-week mark and I was starting to feel good. Then I started to bleed and called the doctor. I had to wait until the next day to see him. When I arrived at the office the assistant informed me that the doctor was delivering a baby and I would have to wait 2 Ė 3 hours or come back. What about my baby? Miscarried 7/99. Ok I said this could not be meant to be.

My husband and I struggled with the decision to try again and decided to let nature take itís course. We became pregnant again and miscarried after 4 weeks in 5/00.

We kept trying and became pregnant in 5/01. We found out right before motherís day that we were pregnant. Four weeks later we miscarried. We decided not to have any more children. That week we found out that another of my husbandís brothers was battling cancer. Three months later my brother-in-law died.

Yet our grief remained silent. I thought once I started I would never stop.

Then I found this web site. I started to feel your pain as well as my own. Thank you all for your gift. Happy Thanksgiving
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