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My Miracle Went to Heaven
Aug 28, 2002

Hello. My name is Brandie (Brandy on the chat boards). I am twenty-five years old, and I teach senior English and Theatre Arts at a small high school in northern Indiana. I have the most amazing husband in the world, but our lives have been troubled since we started trying to have children over two years ago. This is my story.

Bill and I had been married about two years when we decided to start trying to get pregnant. I stopped BCP, and we tried and waited. After a year, my periods were very strange, and I saw my ob/gyn to determine what the problem was. He said that I was probably more normal than I thought, not to worry about it, and to try for another six months.

Six months come and go, and no pregnancy. So I go back to the ob/gyn, and he reluctantly sets up some appointments for tests, including a hysterosalpingogram and vaginal ultrasound. My salpingogram was incredibly painful and embarassing, and the vaginal u/s showed that my follicles were not developing at the right time. The salpingogram came back abnormal, showing both tubes somehow blocked. My ob/gyn tells us that IVF is probably going to be our best (and maybe only) chance to get pregnant, so he refers me to a reproductive endocrinologist.

The RE turns out to be outstanding. He explains in the first visit that he doubts very highly that my tubes are blocked at all because if a salpingogram is very painful, it is almost certainly invalid. Fabulous, I think, now I've wasted five hundred bucks on an invalid test. But in another way, it was wonderful. The RE put me on clomiphene (50 mg each day 5-9 of cycle). On day fourteen, I still had not ovulated, but had three well developed follicles. DH got to give me a shot of Ovidrel in my leg.

It was all worth it, though, because I got pregnant that cycle. We were so excited, we could barely believe it. The RE did ultrasounds at weeks five, six, seven, and eight. All okay. Then he referred me back to an ob. I did not return to the putz I used to go to. I went in for a ten-week check-up, but since I had just had a u/s two weeks earlier, it was just an intro to the office and procedures. Everything seemed hunky-dory.

Two weeks after that appointment, school had just gotten out for the summer, and DH and I had a garage sale. That day, June 1, 2002, I began spotting ever so slightly brownish. I called the on-call ob, and he reassured me, and told me to relax.

The next day, the spotting got heavier, so the on-call ob told me to go to the hospital for a u/s. It confirmed that my baby, who should have been at twelve weeks, had died three weeks earlier, and my body was trying desperately to hang on to the life that was no longer there. The ob came in that day to do my d&c. The experience was as good as it could have been, as the staff of the hospital was outstanding, but my baby was still gone.

Since that time, four friends or family members have had healthy babies (which requires no fertility assistance). I am still praying for another miracle pregnancy. I pray, too, that this baby will develop normally and grow up healthy and happy. It helps me to think that my baby is in Heaven, feeling no pain, grief, or sorrow. I will hold him someday in Heaven.

Married to Bill 6/98
Mommy to baby m/c 6/2/02
Praying for another opportunity...
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