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There Is A Problem
Written by Clara Hinton   |  Dec 07, 2001
Pregnancy is an exciting event! Finding out the news that a baby is on the way is often the best news ever received in one’s lifetime. For many couples, the wait has been long and trying, especially where infertility has been an issue.

Many couples go through several months of trying to conceive, followed by many more months of follow-up testing with their physician. There are often more months of charting, including possible surgeries, and then months of treatments while trying to conceive. The road to pregnancy can become a difficult path to follow.

When the words “you are pregnant” are finally spoken, there is cause for great excitement and celebration. Couples want to shout this wondrous news of a little miracle to the world. And, many do just that! There is no more beautiful news to hear than that of the beginning of a precious new life that is so wanted and adored.

A couple who has undergone fertility testing and treatments stays in close contact with their doctor, often receiving very specialized care. As with any pregnancy, there are, however, no guarantees that a pregnancy will continue on to the end result of a healthy baby. Unfortunately, there are no promises made to keep a couple from experiencing the trauma of early child loss.

Emotions can range from elation to devastation in just moments. As with any pregnancy, there is always the possibility of hearing the most dreaded words of all, “There is a problem.”

Life can bring some harsh blows, and the loss of a baby following years of trying to conceive seems like one of life’s most cruel happenings. The fact remains that miscarriages and other child loss occur to couples, making no distinction between those who have had a hard time conceiving and those who have experienced no difficulties conceiving.

When you initially hear the words being spoken of a possible problem, you will be momentarily shocked. Quite often a pregnancy ends for no apparent reason, and that leaves a couple even more devastated because there are no answers. It is of utmost importance for you to remember that you were not singled out. Child loss occurs to many thousands of couples every year. That may not be an immediate comfort to you, but that knowledge will help in the weeks ahead.

Remind yourself often that it’s okay to cry and express emotions of sadness, anger, guilt, and disappointment. In the book Silent Grief, Chapter 1, these emotions are dealt with in great detail. It is important for you to know that you are not going crazy; rather, you are grieving a loss.

The most important thing of all to remember when a miscarriage or other early child loss occurs is that there will be a day when you will smile again. In the beginning weeks, the grief can be so consuming that you think you will never again enjoy life. Grief is very hard work!

A very practical way to aid healing is to place post-it notes in key places that contain positive thoughts of healing and hope for you to see and read several times throughout the day. As you fill your mind with thoughts of hope, you will begin to slowly emerge from the deep pit of sorrow and grief to the more level ground of joyful living once again. Above all else, be sure to allow yourself the precious gift of enough time to heal.
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