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This Isn't Fair!
Written by Clara Hinton   |  Oct 15, 2001
Miscarriage is a thief that comes breaking through the door of our hearts unexpectedly! When miscarriage occurs, a child is snatched away so quickly, and we are left feeling abandoned and totally alone in our grief.

Many couples have great difficulty conceiving. There is tremendous stress placed on a husband and wife when they go through fertility testing, monthly charting, and multiple visits to the doctor sharing details of intimacy in an attempt to conceive. When a pregnancy finally does take place, there is great joy. The couple feels like shouting the news “We are finally pregnant” from the rooftops for the entire world to hear.

So often, couples are unexpectedly hit with the devastation of miscarriage. The baby that they tried so desperately to conceive was taken away in an instant. What took months and months of tears, prayers, and pleas to God ended abruptly, and the couple is left brokenhearted, sobbing the words, “This isn’t fair. Nothing about this miscarriage is fair.”

The topic of fairness in life is an age-old point of discussion and one that will not be satisfactorily solved through the words on this page. I can say, though, that I would never dispute the fact that life holds a great deal of unfairness. An especially sensitive issue is the area of child loss. Everything about a child dying seems completely unfair.

The idea of unfairness in life can cause grief issues to magnify. Life is unfair in many, many ways. A most difficult fact to accept is the unfairness of many of the issues of life. Illness strikes wonderful people bringing about tremendous pain and suffering. Jobs are lost and good, hard-working people fall into financial bankruptcy. Children of fine Christian parents fall away from God and they become involved in lives of moral decay, drugs, alcoholism, and all of the accompanying pain of a hopeless life. There is nothing fair when good people have to suffer!

How can a couple move forward in their grief when life has been so unfair in taking away the child they so desperately wanted? As cruel as this might sound, there must come a day when we acknowledge the fact that life has many unfair circumstances, including miscarriage. Coming to the point of the acceptance of this fact can be an agonizingly slow process.

Often, in our pain, we don’t “feel” God’s presence; therefore we feel He doesn’t care. We place too much confidence in feelings, and too little in the promises of God. Feelings of abandonment and complete loneliness are normal feelings in the early weeks of grief. As we look around us, we will come to understand that life holds a lot of unfairness for all people, not just us. That one basic understanding and acceptance that a miscarriage has not just singled you out, but is a part of life, is a giant step forward in the long, difficult journey of grief.

Miscarriage is not one of the fair things in life, but it does happen frequently. Many thousands of couples will suffer through the pain of miscarriage each year. Understanding that you are not alone in the grief from this child loss is that crucial beginning point of your walk towards healing in this process we call grief. Be assured that you are not alone, and that there will be a day when you can say that even though life has been unfair in some things, there is still joy in most things.
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