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Written by Clara Hinton   |  Nov 18, 2001
Early child loss due to miscarriage, ectopic, or stillbirth is an incredibly difficult grief in a motherís life. It is a time when dreams and hopes are abruptly snatched away. It is also a time when a motherís body goes through some fast changes. Hormone levels are making fast swings that directly affect energy levels, moods, and levels of anxiety.

Mothers often place an additional burden on themselves following a miscarriage by expecting to feel ďrightĒ within a few short weeks. These unnecessary expectations can, in the long run, delay a motherís walk towards healing as she attempts to work through her burden of grief.

A lot of women think they should be super heroes, including walking through a miscarriage unscathed. It wonít happen that way! There are too many abrupt changes taking place, and every one of those changes takes time for the mind and body to process. Every one of those changes deserves our undivided attention.

Moms need to remember that they are new at this thing called grief. Even if this is a third miscarriage, it wonít be easier or quicker than the one before. In fact, the grief might be deeper, and take even longer to work through. Losing a child is a complex loss, and will affect every area of living. By ignoring the pain of loss, you only prolong the work involved in grief.

Donít place added grief on your heart by expecting all things to go back to normal in a week! Take time to hurt about your loss. Cry. Thatís a normal response, and a very therapeutic response. Crying releases a lot of the bottled up emotions that were linked to the dreams you held with your baby. The crying wonít last forever, but it might be intense for a few weeks. Expect it to be that way. Losing a baby is a very difficult pain to heal!

Give your body time to readjust to not being pregnant. Your menstrual period should return in about 4 Ė 6 weeks following a miscarriage. The first month might not be totally normal for you while your hormone levels are rapidly changing. Talk to your doctor or midwife. Ask lots of questions to help put your mind at ease. There is no question that is considered to be silly or unimportant. Your body is making fast changes that are all new and different for you.

Expect your moods to be all over the place for a few months. The grief felt from losing a baby is a difficult grief. Other people can move through this pain quicker than you because they are not dealing with the physical changes combined with a mental relocation from pregnant to not pregnant. This physical and mental combination of loss can be overwhelming at times.

If you find yourself overly anxious, experiencing multiple panic attacks every day, not sleeping, and feeling depressed, seek the help of your physician. You might need some short-term medication to help you, along with a few weeks of counseling. This does not mean that you are not handling things well. It simply means that you have been dealt a difficult blow and you need a little help to get you through the pain that you are experiencing.

The main thing you need to constantly remind yourself is that you will get through this devastating time in your life. You donít have to pretend to be strong, but rather know that strength is found in facing your feelings of grief. Keep telling yourself that with time, patience, and some help from family and friends, you will get through to a brighter tomorrow!
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